Effective communication is all about being able to properly convey a message to another person. And yes, that can sometimes be trickier than we initially think. For it is more than just translating the thoughts taking place in your head into words and then speaking them.
 
The lubricant of human beings is and always will be communication. Without effective communication, there is no life. Non-communication does not exist, because that also says something. We communicate with everything we have, not only with words, but also with our intonation, posture, facial expression, hand gestures, clothing and much more. The goal of effective communication is attunement. Time and again, this turns out to be very complex and therefore enormously interesting. Those who can communicate well in any situation have an advantage and will achieve their goals more easily than others who communicate less effectively. You could say that the art of effective communication gives you a distinctive advantage in a competitive job market. Your added value to an organization increases exponentially with effective communication. Your communication skills are really put to the test when the stakes are high, opinions diverge and emotional tension rises. Often these conversations determine whether a project will succeed, whether we can work together, whether we will achieve intended results and whether the relationship will remain good.

 

So what makes effective communication so difficult?
Of course, it has to do with the complexity of human beings themselves. Just consider that each person has their own frame of reference. Computers that communicate have virtually the same protocol, but the human computer (read brain) is programmed differently in everyone. So a message that is clearly spoken can be understood differently by everyone. This is only step one of the complexity of communicating effectively. After all, what about human emotions? When those come into play it becomes even more complex. When you feel attacked, insulted or unfairly accused, your blood can boil. Oxygen is literally drained from your brain and your muscles are fueled by adrenaline. Your reptilian brain takes over communication. Instinctively you shoot into flight or fight mode, such is nature.

During conversations like this, it turns out that people find it difficult to stay in dialogue, to really listen and to work on the shared principles, shared goals. While these are often enormously important moments, "crucial" moments.

When one does not feel safe due to tension, one tends to follow the natural impulse. Two basic behaviors can then be seen and heard in every conversation and or meeting. On the one hand, one tends to keep insights to oneself during crucial conversations. One decides not to say things: "It makes no sense anyway," "They won't listen anyway," and more such thoughts and/or statements. We call this form of behavior "flight behavior. For example, one shares the concern and or annoyance at the coffee machine, or at home, but the real problem is not yet solved. The other form of behavior is the opposite, namely "fighting behavior. During fighting behavior one does express what one thinks, but in such a way that it leads to discussions, or the other person clams up, it can be taken personally. Under the guise, "I'm just being honest, I'm saying what I think," fighting behavior is often justified.